Hm...Heartfelt this time. I know I'm suppose to be happy, ecstatic and superbly glad. However, there are just some things that weigh me down. I tried to be nonchalant, maybe I do great job at it so it never can be deciphered from the surface. Sometimes just can't help but grow numb to all of it and when you do feel something you tend to lock it away, or worse, lock it inside.
Sounds like a rant in the making, I guess, but it's not. I almost thought that one of the most important people in my life would seem rather happy that my career is taking off again, a fresh start. However, it seems that this person is not, I believe. My small success is a big milestone for me and triumph for us. But, as per this person's words,"23,000 lang sweldo mo, good luck, mag-bingo ka everyday kung gusto mag-abroad." Whoa! It stung like an angry bee, and believe me I've been stung a lot when I was a kid. The thing is it hurts a hundred fold because it came from someone I trust,someone I care for. Like warm knife cutting through melting butter, it hit me and WHAM! After telling me I should go for it and get this new job I hear these words...it could make all the bricks come tumbling down.
I understand, you have lots of dreams, and I want to be there for you and help them come to fruition. My only concern is if I'm a part of them, and I'm not just a part of your life in passing. I down want you to be shadowed with what I have, I'll gladly step down if you ask. You've always been my priority and maybe you'll see I did this for you. The reason I'm working hard, the reason I want to do great and the reason I am inspired.
I've missed you a lot lately, even more so when it came to that part of the month we remember and celebrate what we have and be thankful for it. I've learned to grow up because of you, and I'm grateful for it. Sorry if there were no cards, gifts or anything to remember those last two lunar cycles. The thing is, though I did not forget them, I deliberately tried to make you notice I forgot the most recent. I know its a stupid attempt to concern you, a foiled plot to solicit a "called for romance." I've been wishing hard for a card or a note maybe, I guess I should have seen it coming a mile away, its not your style. Pero not to compare nor to torment myself, sa mga previous ones you had, you did. I'm just assuming maybe I'm just around too much or if I'm lacking?
I know you are really a good person, devoted to your family and friends, that you go through lengths for them. I have faith you will do the same for me, it hasn't been tarnished by the "Jedi-Knight Fixation" you had. Although I must admit, it really tore down a lot within me. You are not lacking, just a little detached from my stand point. That it still boils down to maybe, oh I guess pride? The mere fact that you can sit idly and not return the calls nor the messages when we all know to well you take time to reply to everyone. Yes, I'm hurt badly, it twists my world. I wouldn't say its selfish, because Heaven knows how much of me I have offered in this dance, in this charade, in this treatise. I'm hurt that simple things that you use to exhibit annoys you to no end when I reflect them. I'm just me, I am allowed to err, to bumble and I am not always perfect. I cry too...
I've shown you myself and all my emotions, my love and my trust. If I don't sum up to you then maybe, just maybe, I'm way out of my league and it might have been a different thing we were talking about all of those months back. Maybe I should re-evaluate myself and the choices I've made. It hurts to tell that, I may not have the strength to spill this out in person. Love won't go away but then again I'm just human and could only take so much at a time. I've been honest always, there are others right now expressing their concern and feelings for me, you see I'm tempted, not that I'm downright loyal, its because I'm holding on to my faith in you and the strong feelings that I have for you. I just hope that after all this time you are no longer afraid to love, just take what we have and do not question it, because if it can be explained then it wouldn't be love.
Oh! Moi! Hmm...How do I define thee? I guess I'm your average mild mannered regular hellgod...hehe... Just a person trying live life with the most that I have and make the most of it as well. A soul who wants to prove himself and let others see the otherside of me, like the mystery of dark side of the moon, always there waiting for someone to gaze up and find it.However, I do pack a verbal wallop every now and then. I love listening to people and sharing my stories too, though it may seem like I crave attention by doing so. But, the truth is I just want people to hear enough just in case I might strike a glimmer of inspiration or a sliver of advice with what I say with the verbiage I deliver that I impart on my oh so fabulous rant. Seriously, I love peace and serenity, a lazy day on a hammock, a dazzling sunset by the seaside or tea at the porch. Easy to please, expects less and very amiable.
The flambouyant me, Hmmm.... I'm tall, like everyone else can't notice that. I guess I stand out from the usual crowd, not your typical person, I hate being stereotyped or any inkling that leans toward mediocrity. I can be a motor mouth at times or the silent brooding type, or the adventurous funny me, and/ or the spellcaster that I am. I'm also deep and caring if you get to know me longer or if you get to decide to delve deeper. I'm sooooooper patient. However, if there is a way that I could get what I desire and not wait, then I'll take that, just being practical. Usually it would appear I'm nonchalant on certain topics or situations, but that's just me. I'd want to retain an air of mystique, but then again, when you get to win my trust, you can read me like a Sunday's crossword. But most of alI like having new friends. I'm dependable, funny, well most of the time. I absolutely adore listening to music or strolling or better yet reading or almost anything. I cook pasta, bake cakes and toss salads for my friends. I love collecting stuff (toys, comic books, TV series DVD's & badges). Sounds geekish, well DUH! I mean there's more to me than meets the eye and I won't change because someone says so, this is me and I won't falter. As the old adage goes, "Its better to be hated for who you are then loved for what you are not."
I haven't blogged for sometime, and I wonder, is it a writer's block, then again it hit me. I can't seem to fit the stuff that I want with my previous site. So here comes blogger.com/blogspot.com, hehe... Allows me to play around, speaking of which before any heartfelt post, I found this site, you may want to try it just to get a feel and idea how your name would be if you were born Japanese... Oh! Here's my sushi-like name if and when I go Japanese...
Name: LOUIE Home: Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila, Philippines About Me: Oh! Moi! Hmm...How do I define thee? I guess I'm your average mild mannered regular hell-god hehe. Just a person trying live life with the most that I have and make the most of it as well. A soul who wants to proove himself and let others see the otherside of me, like the mystery of dark side of the moon, always there waiting for someone to gaze up and find it.However, I do pack a verbal wallop every now and then. I love listening to people and sharing my stories too, though it may look like I crave attention by doing so. But, the truth is I just want people to hear enough just in case I might strike a glimmer of inspiration or a sliver of advice with what I meant to impart on my oh so fabulous rant. Seriously, I love peace and serenity, a lazy day on a hammock, a dazzling sunset by the seaside or tea at the porch. Easy to please, expects less and very amiable. See my complete profile
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